Random psychobabble

Today I realized I am in a rat race that I don't particularly want to be in.

Imagine Bob, a 17 year old male who was raised to focus on grades so he can grow up and get a good job. He believes that if he gets good grades, he will finally be happy. Bob works hard everyday, spends little time on personal activities and works hard to maintain a 4.0 GPA. He graduates high school with few friends but praise from teachers- he is named class valedictorian, and get's accepted to his favorite college. This is where Bob thinks he will be happy- but he's not. Bob is very stressed out. Bob's inner ego tells him to keep going- he will find happiness, but only if he works harder. So Bob works hard throughout college, to get a "good job" that will make him happy. He rarely dates, or spends time with friends. He passes up opportunities to go to parties because he wants to stay home and study.

Eventually Bob graduates college, which does not reduce his stress. He get's a job interning at a local law firm. 20 years pass, in which Bob works tirelessly to become a firm partner. Bob would be happy then. Over the 20 years, Bob meets a woman who was looking for a husband. They are not particularly in love. Yet the marry, have two children, a big house, dog, and a cat.

Bob finally get's the partnership he had been wanting. Working hard for almost his entire life. Bob is 50 years old and utterly exhausted. And Bob Is Not Happy. He is far from happy. Deep down, Bob wonders what happened to his life. He wonder's why he is not happy. Bob goes through a midlife crisis, in which he quits his job, starts riding motorcycles, and decides he wants to fix cars the rest of his life.


Let's be frank here- I don't want to be like Bob. Is this the American....or Western Illusion? There are still signs of villages of people in the Amazon still un-connected with the modern world. To them, life is about hunting, society and rank among your peers. It's so similar, yet different.

What if I wanted to hunt something different then? Instead of hunting money, fame, power....what if I wanted to hunt life? Where would I find it? I'm sick and tired of trying to compare myself to others, feel I need to stand up to some sort of illusionary standard. I am deeply blessed in the life I have been given yet I do not feel it's the life I should be living. Dear lord. I need to get away.